My inspiration, my brother

During the Thanksgiving holiday I took a few much needed days off from worrying, or at least I tried to. I put my writing on hold for the most part, although I did hash out a rough draft of a short story (when inspiration hits I have to run with it). I still read tweets, bookmarked ones I wanted to research at a later time, but posted few of my own and I signed off Facebook for a week. During that time, I was on a serious quest for employment. Larry runs his own restoration business and jobs just haven't been coming in. I have four children who have needs such as food, so I decided to take action. I was going to write only part time, perhaps on weekends or in the evenings when I had a few spare moments, but my first two objectives would be working and taking care of my kids. I was miserable even considering writing as a part time endeavor, but felt worse having no income.

The job search wasn't great. We live in a small town and jobs are next to impossible to find. I put in a few applications, went in and spoke with managers, all the things I am supposed to do, but haven't received an interview request. It's discouraging to say the least.

My best friend, who happens to be my brother, came to visit for Thanksgiving with his family. It was wonderful seeing him again, but I wasn't myself. I was off in my own little world of worry. I didn't want to be, but that's where I was.

I have to say, I know many people who have their lives together and seem to have reached their goal, but deep down they are unhappy. Michael is not one of those people. He honestly has it all figured out and is excited about his life and is sincerely happy.  Listening to him was depressing. It was tough listening to him and realizing how far away I am from my goals, dreams, visions, etc. Sometimes I am not even sure what my visions are, let alone how to reach them. On the other hand, I have seen Michael grow from a lonely, lost man to who he is now, so he was also an inspiration.

We have a great relationship and I can honestly open up to him. He never judges me, tells me I am crazy (well, he does sometimes but he doesn't mean it), tells me I am hopeless or to give up. Instead, he listens with understanding and patience. He may not always agree with what I think, do, or feel, but he supports me no matter what.

Throughout the next couple of days our conversation often turned to my goals. He asked what I really wanted and what it would take to get there. After listening to my excitement about writing, he was convinced that is what I need to do.

He has given me advice on promoting my Devotional Book, once I get it back on the market (by Dec), and how to make some money writing. He never said, "writing is too hard so give up and find a job", instead he told me, "Don't work a 9-5 corporate job where you leave your kids. Make them part of your business and Larry's business and be a family."

Of course as a writer I have doubts if I am talented enough. I think most writers feel that from time to time. I voiced my concern to Michael and although he was polite, I think deep down he was laughing at me. He truly believes I have talent and I can make this a career. Nothing feels better than a good dose of self confidence instilled in you by your one and only brother. If he was one of those who told me what I wanted to hear and avoided hurting my feelings, I may not have taken his words to heart; however, Michael is brutally honest. He has no problem telling me where I am failing, where I need to improve or critiquing my work. He isn't mean about it, but he is honest.

Since he left I have thought about what he has said. I have prayed and searched inside myself for answers. There is still a part of me that thinks I should be out working a job and actually making money, but I know writing is my passion and my calling, second only behind my children. They will always come first. I now have the confidence I needed, at least this week, and will continue working toward my goal. I know it will not be easy. I have read the statistics. Finding an agent, editor, publisher, and actually making more than a thousand dollars total is not a guarantee, but it is worth the effort. My daughter told me one day, "Mommy, if you don't chase your dreams and give us that example, how we will ever reach ours?" So, on to writing I go.

I hope when you have your doubts, feel like giving up, or think it's hopeless you have a friend like Michael to encourage you. If not, encourage yourself, because after all, you are can be your own best friend!

Let's  go get a cup of coffee, turn our writing program on and get started on reaching our goals!